Me (akrose) wrote in fortcarson,

We have a BIG issue come up today....

I think I am insane. I got a call from Steven today! <3 And it was a great call. Except that he said he "for reals" wants to get married. I am sure I should trust him, but there is this really loud voice in the back of my head that says it's just for the money. Which may sound insane, but we broke up when he deployed because he didn't feel like I should be held back when was gone. And we didn't think we were really serious enough to stay together. But I still feel like we are together and so does he and today he told me I love you for the first time since we "broke up". But I mean he can't be serious about getting married when we aren't even techinically dating right now.... But I really really really love the idea. He was saying we should just get married legally while he's on R&R but then have the family wedding when he gets back from deployment. But I can't get married without my family. No one! 'Cause I'd be in FL, and I literally no none there except for him. I don't want it to be like that, I wouldn't even have friends there.... Am I way over-reacting? I mean he has joked and joked in the past about getting a contract marriage, and I always thought he was messing with me, because he knows I react so big to the whole idea, 'cause I take marriage seriously. But today he said he honestly wanted to get married. But how do I know he's just not wanting the money of marriage. Oh I hate this, I do know he loves me, even if he just finally said it again today, but marriage? I know this is my own issue to consider, but what do you guys think? Am I being insane? I wish I didn't doubt this. I wish I knew it was absolutely for reals, and it's probably just my own issues making me doubt it. Ok, I have babbled on long enough, but please let me know what you think.... Am I over-reacting to getting legally married on R&R and a real marriage after deployment? OK.... Thanks guys... <3

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